Friday, April 29, 2016


I've hit another low recently. A little while ago, I took my pill late, like maybe by an hour?, and that caused me to slip on some of the progress I had made. But it gave me a chance to learn a few things.

Depression is something I've been born with. I used to feel so scared with what could go on in my mind and my behavior. I HATED feeling different than my peers. I hated being sad. I hated feeling lonely. But now, I accept it as a gift. Because I struggle, I can understand others who struggle with depression and mental illness. Those who haven't struggled don't always understand how we can be feeling.

First, when we have depression, we have to ACCEPT it. I have tried to get by on my own. But I need medication.

Second, we need to find a combination that works for us. We can't just rely on medication, and expect it to make our lives perfect. Sadly, it doesn't work that way. We still need to put in some work. For me personally, I need to exercise every day (I choose to skip Sunday for religious reasons), eat healthy and avoid gluten, and spend a lot of time going outside and leaving the house. I need a schedule, which I absolutely hate. Whatever your combination, learn it, and stick to it.

Be honest. If you are struggling, tell someone. Don't keep it inside. I wish to add even when you aren't struggling be honest and share that you do struggle, but sadly we feel the need to keep it inside so others don't know. If we were more honest, and it became less of a taboo subject, maybe a difference could be made.

There are a lot of stigmas surrounding mental illness. There shouldn't be. If someone is sick, they get help. If you had a heart disease, you would take your pills. See the doctor. No one would judge you for that. Our brains are the most important organs. We need to care for them.

There are days I wake up and don't want to do anything but stay in bed and watch Greys Anatomy and eat junk food. There are days that the sound of my beautiful children's voices irritate me, and my husbands face make me ANGRY. There are days I cry and cry for no reason. There are times my house gets unbelievably messy and I get so overwhelmed. There are days I hate everyone and would like to be alone.

Depression sucks. Depression is scary. Depression is real.

But it can also be managed, and then we can find joy again in our lives. I have been blessed with some really great moments and times in my life where I haven't felt much depression. That is what I work towards. To be able to feel those happy times. Sometimes, the work doesn't feel worth it and I'd like to just hole up on my couch with my Grey's Anatomy and comfy clothes. But the good times are always worth it. We just have to get there.

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